Dead Reckoning
by Winter Gray
Summary: 1 year out of purgatory Dean finds out he's dying. The brothers are broken by childhood trauma & betrayal. Benny offers a solution but Dean goes off to die after Sam rejects him physically & emotionally. Sam must face his failings as a brother, race the clock to save Dean & find the courage to accept him & their forbidden love. First time Wincest, Sick!Dean, Damaged!Sam, Benny/Dean
1. Dead Reckoning

**(I don't own any of the Supernatural characters, they belong to Kripke and CW network)**

(A/N This story contains flashbacks of child abuse, there also might be some non-con. Rated MA for blatant sexual content and language.

This story will be angst ridden with physically/mentally hurt Dean and mentally damaged Sam. The first chapter contains story set up.)

…..

Two people can be bound so tightly by blood and circumstance that if one person dies the other just ceases to exist. They walk through this world as a ghost, never whole, never happy just moving from one day to the next drawing breath and going through the motions.

You find yourself too afraid to live but too scared to die, just hoping the universe makes the choice for you.

Sam and Dean wouldn't have the luxury of leaving hard choices up to unseen forces. The brothers would have to face their buried emotions and find a new definition of what it means to be truly alive.

…

Sam had no idea his brother was dying, after purgatory Dean wasn't quite the same but still he soldiered on and seemed to bounce back for awhile. A year later things had begun to slide and Sam started to notice. Dean drank more, took too many risks and depression hung over him like a death shroud. Sam figured purgatory had just taken its toll on his mind and not his body.

The vampire was an unwelcome surprise but Sam dealt with it and after awhile had to accept the fact they had a sexual relationship but that didn't mean Sam to like it. Still Benny gave Dean what he couldn't, physical release and a steady shoulder to lean on.

The upside was Benny never stayed long; usually a few days and then he vanished for long stretches of time. Sam's jealousy would wane and the brothers would go back to their denial. If they couldn't have each other then nobody could.

The trust was eroded between Sam and Dean, the fact Sam abandoned him to a twilight version of hell and moved on throbbed like a like fresh wound after a year back from purgatory.

Even with the hard feelings between them Dean dreamed of a life with Sam, a real one with all the love, sex, tenderness, trust and partnership they could ever want.

Sam always held back his true feelings for Dean afraid to take that step and break his carefully constructed wall he used to protect himself. He danced around childhood memories so dark that to speak of what happened might break the fragile thread of sanity he clung to so desperately.

…

Dean stared at himself in the mirror, another night of sleep lost. The hunter was used to it, this strange, cursed life and the nightmares that came with it. He could tell himself that's why he woke up but the truth be told it was Sam that made Dean jerk awake at the same time almost every night.

Sam was Deans only blessing in an otherwise shitty life, the kid brother he would do anything for. Protect at all costs, love no matter what because Sammy was so damn fragile inside.

He knew around the time Sam's nightmares came, Dean had his internal clock built around them and that's why Dean never got a full night's sleep but over the years you adjust and soon enough it becomes normal.

It was normal when Sam was a kid and so normal now Dean wouldn't know what to do with himself at two in the morning if not for Sam's night terrors. Dean looked at his watch and right on cue there it was, Sam moaning and jerking, crying out in his sleep.

He rushed through the darkness grateful the motel layouts were so simple, one blended into another so his movements were instinctual. Take the clear path from the bathroom straight to Sam's bed where he thrashed around like a giant hooked marlin.

Dean swung a leg over the bare torso and sat with full weight on his brother then he went for the wrists pinning Sam down as he bucked and cried, the words changed from night to night sometimes giving Dean a glimpse into the past he wanted to forget.

"Please nooo…" Sam trailed off like a broken siren as Dean whispered loudly, "Sammy wake up." His brothers hazel eyes snapped open and stared up at Dean, "D..Dean?"

"Yeah Sammy it's me same as always."

"I had a dream…a nightmare about…nothing."

Dean pushed back Sam's sweaty long hair and patted his cheek, "Sure babe it was nothing, but if you want to talk…"

"No! No, get off me I gotta pee."

Dean got off as Sam hurried to the bathroom; he watched the pee boner tenting the front of Sam's sweats and then hated himself for looking so long. Dean went back to bed hoping to get a few hours sleep before he met up with Benny the next morning.

…

Sam stared at himself in the mirror; he knew he looked like shit. The nightmares were getting worse but Dean always saved him and for that he was grateful.

At that moment he wasn't grateful for the painful erection straining against his sweats, he didn't have to pee, Sam had to jerk himself off again.

Every night he had those nightmares Sam woke up to Dean sitting on top of him, pert ass grinding against Sam's dick so hard trying to wrestle him down that Sam was afraid the fabric would rip and Dean would end up impaled on it.

He spit in his hand and jerked himself hard, almost a punishment for thinking of Dean that way but then he always had since he could form any sort of sexual thought and realize what it was.

Sam braced against the dirty wall with one hand and abused himself with the other, it never took long. His body was conditioned to get there quickly and end it. Sam groaned softly as his balls contracted and come splattered over the sink.

Afterward he watched the pearly drops sliding down the basin as wicked thoughts welled up inside of him.

Sam pictured Dean cleaning it off with his mouth as Sam stood over him demanding he work faster; he made Dean jerk off then lap it all up as Sam pounded deep inside of him. The ending to this little fantasy was him falling asleep in the shelter of his big brothers arms allowing every scrap of mental pain to drift away lost in the ether.

Sometimes Sam's fantasies were of a dominate Dean controlling him in bed as he did in everyday life but either way seemed wonderful to the confused young man.

"_What the fuck is wrong with me…"_

"Sammy you ok in there?"

"Yeah Dean give me a minute." He ran water in the sink trying to wash away his shame then opened the door and brushed past Dean as if nothing happened.

Dean glanced back at Sam then hurried in to take a leak. He finished, shook off then went to wash his hands but when he grabbed the handle he ended up with come on his fingers, still slightly warm.

Dean raised them to his lips and tasted Sam all the while with eyes closed tight. That salty, musky scent and flavor was all Sammy and he reveled in the moment.

Dean's eyes opened slowly and focused on the dying man staring back at him. A coughing fit grabbed Dean, wracking his body as red droplets sprayed over the sink, _"Damn it…not here, not again."_

Sam yelled, "Dean, are you ok?"

Dean gripped the sink and caught his breath; he yelled back, "I'm five by five Sammy."

….

Dean swaggered in the door toward his friend, the vampire got up and clapped Dean on the back, "How goes it brother? You look like hell; I think you need more than coffee." Benny waved over the waitress and ordered for Dean, "Two specials with extra bacon for my friend here and two coffees black."

Dean watched her walk away then rolled his eyes at Benny, "Damn your bossy, who said you could order for me?"

The blue eyes twinkled back at him, "did I get it wrong darlin'?"

Dean tried not to smile but with Benny it was hard not to, "No smartass, that's what I would have ordered, just because your right doesn't make it ok."

Benny reached over and squeezed Dean's hand, "Sorry baby, meet me tonight and I'll make it up to you…give you my good lovin'," his voice softened, "kiss all up on you Dean then spread those legs and take you home."

Dean jerked his hand away and looked around the diner wondering if anyone noticed.

Benny sat back and folded his arms, "I'm only here for awhile and this isn't forever…besides you got your forever with Sam."

Dean began examining his napkin suddenly finding it fascinating, "I don't want forever with anyone and I don't know what the fuck you're talking about with Sam, I got nothing with him except as my brother."

Benny shook his head and smirked, "Sure Dean, keep livin' that lie of yours long enough and someday it might be real."

"I've been lying to myself since Sam was a kid so there's no point in stopping now. Besides, it's none of your business."

Dean felt the heat creep thought his cheeks embarrassed at admitting how he felt, "I want you bad like a drug." Dean leaned in closer and whispered, "Wanna let you split my ass open and make me feel something…you know what I like."

Dean's hands trembled as he brought the water to his lips and when he drank a drop of blood fell blooming over the liquid like a rose. Benny sat up straight, sniffed the air and closed his eyes, "Dean what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit that blood is bad, I smell it, and your heart is weak." Benny wiped a finger over the corner of Deans mouth and caught a scant bit of blood then sucked his finger, "Tell me Dean, why are you here?"

The hunter growled, "To take out a nest and get fucked good and proper from my big daddy vampire."

"Alright then," Benny pointed out the window to the bar near the water, "You meet me there and we have a few drinks…go back to my room and you can tell me all about that heart sickness of yours right after I tap that pretty ass if you feel up to it."

….

Dean pulled in and there was Sam waiting for him at the window, he saw his brothers face light up like a puppy when its master came home. The motel door opened and Sam stood there clutching his phone, shifting nervously from foot to foot trying to never seem too eager or happy.

He watched Dean get out and walk toward him all bowlegged swagger flashing a grin and Sam felt his knees weaken.

He couldn't imagine a life without Dean yet Sam knew every day was precious. In their line of work you grabbed all the living you could and hoped for the best. They never forged ties with anyone, at least Sam didn't and Dean was all he had in the world.

Sam grabbed Dean and hugged him surprising his brother, "Whoa Sammy I was only gone a little while."

"Too long, I missed you."

Deans time bomb beat rapidly in his chest from the excitement of Sam pressing against him, "I missed you too baby boy."

TBC


	2. Body On Fire

Sam kicked the door open machete in hand as Dean followed up the rear; they searched the house from top to bottom and found the remains of an active nest that had just moved on.

After a thorough search Sam was frustrated at the wasted time and effort, "Dean this was a bust, are you sure Benny was right? Maybe he lied so he could see you again…son of a bitch, I wouldn't put it past him."

"He wouldn't do that and you know it, what Benny and I got is nothing special I told you that. A quick fuck, that's it. You want me to go back to women Sammy or do you have something better to offer?"

Sam gave his brother that maddening eye roll of his, "I don't care what you do, sleep with a monster if you want to."

They stood there staring at each other both deciding if they were going to tangle. The brothers were foolish enough to punch each other but not brave enough to kiss so they both walked away.

Sam doused the old house, burning it down bodies and all then the Winchesters headed back to the motel to come up with a plan.

…..

Dean walked around naked fresh from a shower getting ready to meet Benny. Sam watched his ass move fixated on the round, lily white cheeks slight jiggle as Dean moved.

Dean knew he was watching, that was the point of it all. He wanted jealousy, desire, something to spark a reaction in Sam so he made the first move but it didn't work, it never did.

"So don't wait up, salt the door and…"

Sam waved his fourth beer at his brother, "Yeah I got it just go and get your ass filled."

Dean wavered in the doorway waiting for Sam to call him back, beg him to stay but there was silence, "Ok then, I'll call and check in."

Sam turned up the volume on the TV effectively shutting down the conversation. Dean sniffed and rubbed his eyes mumbling "bitch" under his breath then walked out to the Impala.

He paused to look up at the stars and thought how clean and pure they looked shining down on his shithole of a life, _"I guess this close to dying makes a guy sentimental."_ Dean decided maybe a crappy life was better than no life at all.

…

Benny turned toward his friend and smiled, "Glad you came." He waved the crusty old bartender over and ordered some beers, "I'm looking forward to tonight… I missed you Dean."

As soon as the beers were in front of them Dean got to work on his planning on getting blitzed.

Dean tilted the beer back and emptied the bottle, he slammed it on the bar and turned to Benny, "There was no nest Benny, the whole thing was a waste of time. They must have moved, got any ideas?"

The bartender put another beer in front of Dean and Benny slide over some bills, "You know of any abandoned places around here?" The bartender snatched the money away, why?"

"Don't matter why."

"Well there's the old cannery a few blocks down on the water, boarded up and fenced off. There's the old Myer place at the edge of town, teenagers go there to drink and fuck, that's all I know." He quickly left to end the questioning.

Dean slid his hand between Benny's legs discreetly under the bar and squeezed, the vampire may have been cold but his cock was always hard and hot for Dean, "You wanna go now?"

Benny rolled his eyes toward Dean, "Eager for it Dean?"

"Yeah, I need it bad."

…..

They made it to the alley where Benny slammed Dean against the brick and deftly opened the hunters fly pulling his cock out roughly just how the man liked it, he swung his head around and bared his teeth then licked a trail up the hunters neck, "I should eat you…every inch, I could do it…you hot, twisted bitch."

Dean pushed into the tightened fingers, "I don't care, do it."

It was their game, Benny did it for Dean. The vampire was simple, he wanted to fuck Dean's ass and then have the pleasure of resting beside him and if Benny was lucky he could kiss those plump lips as long as Dean would let him.

Dean needed to feel scared and powerless then coaxed to give in. Benny figured it was something to do with John Winchester or some particular kink he latched onto but he never pried, just gave Dean what he wanted to keep his lover satisfied.

Benny spoke softly in his ear with that deep rumble and sweet accent, "Come for me…come for daddy." Dean squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth hissing slowly as he shot onto the vampires jeans making a mess.

When the second wave came Benny had to hold Dean up as the hunter sobbed against the crook of the vampires neck and whispered, "Stupid weak whore Dean."

Benny was confused because Dean was talking about himself.

Benny tugged harder as he caught the hunter under the arms and let his lover finish; he hugged Dean tight to him. "We can go back and just rest, talk about things alright?"

Dean let Benny guide him back to Impala and even let the vampire drive them to the crappy motel where he had rented a room, it was across town from the Whispering Pines where the brothers were staying and he was happy for that. Dean got his second wind and walked into the room unaided.

He stripped naked and fell back on the bed spreading his legs open, he watched as Benny took off his clothes and carefully laid them over the back of a chair. Dean admired the thickly built body with the even soft covering of chest hair leading to a treasure trail ending at a bush of curls.

The vampire was hung well enough, more thick than long but he satisfied Dean to no end giving inches and girth to the hunter.

Benny looked down at the hunter and was struck by how scared and vulnerable he seemed at that moment, "Dean we should talk."

"Later Benny."

"Now."

He got on the bed next to Dean and held him pulling the stubborn man to his broad chest, "Talk to me about your problems Dean, I have two ears to listen and a shoulder to cry on. Why do you say that crap about yourself…let's start there then get to your heart."

Dean sighed into the cool skin, "It's nothing, just dad and stuff from when Sammy and I were kids. You know, same old thing, dad gets drunk, touches, works up his courage to…you know."

Benny kissed his forehead, "Baby I'm sorry.

Dean didn't want the vampire to feel sorry for him, he was too proud for that. His father was dead and Dean had tried to move on as best he could and tried to help Sam along the way.

"I didn't care about myself Benny but when it was Sam he started on... look I don't want to talk about it anymore, I deal with it and a kink is better than a bullet so drop it."

Dean rolled on his back and stared up at the water stain on the ceiling, "I'm dying."

Benny bolted up, "What? Damn it Dean I knew yesterday there was something wrong with your heart. How long have you know, is there a way to fix this?"

"Since my stint in purgatory, I have congestive heart failure; the blood is from a pulmonary edema. It's getting worse now, I was able to keep it steady for a long time but then the coughing brought the blood and I'm on a fast track to a pine box. I get so tired I'm a liability to Sam, I don't want to be the cause of him getting killed because I dropped the ball on a hunt."

"I don't get it Dean, sure you live a hard life and I know you drink but you're young, so young to be this sick."

Dean snorted, "Well surprise, purgatory will do that to you I guess. You know what the worst part is…leaving Sammy alone. No I take that back, the worst part would be him taking care of me while I take that long slid into the abyss. The thought of him having to feed me or wipe my ass isn't pretty."

Dean covered his mouth and coughed; Benny trailed his nose through the air smelling the copper then grabbed Deans hand staring at the foamy spray, "You can't hide this forever."

"Won't have to, I'll be long gone before Sam has to worry about me. I thought I'd take off and drink myself to death." Dean let out a humorless laugh, "Self medication is the best."

He climbed on top of the vampire and rubbed against him, "Hey let's not waste tonight, make me feel something." Benny reached up and ran a thumb over the hunter's mouth catching the droplets; he sucked them off and closed his eyes. Sick or not Dean tasted like sunshine and whisky, pure and good, "I love you Dean."

"Shut up, you're just saying that because I'm ready to take a dirt nap."

The blue eyes opened and stared into his, "I mean it, I love you like my brother but I love you even more than that. I'm ok with you not feeling the same, hell I'm no prize and if I were you I'd take Sam and never let go."

Dean rose up and positioned the stiff cock, he didn't want lubricant all he wanted was to light his body on fire. Dean shuddered as he slid down inch by painful inch until he hit base. Bracing against the vampire's chest he rode slowly trying to catch his breath on each stroke.

Benny loved the tight, silky feeling of Dean. No one else felt like that, the human was special to him and instead of saying humiliating words he knew Dean wanted he told him what a beautiful creature he was instead.

When it was over he held his friend and whispered, "I won't let you die baby. Sam is going to have you for a long time to come."

…..

Sam stared at the empty double again, missing Dean and cursing himself for being so scared without him. Sam felt if he were a brave and honest man Dean never would have walked out that door to be filled up by the vampire. Sam would be holding him now and whispering to his brother about how sorry he was for the wasted years.

Sam drifted off to sleep and when the nightmare hit vividly detailed this time Dean wasn't there to wake him up and save him from the monster.

TBC


	3. Just A Little Dirty

Sam pretended he was asleep when Dean got back early that morning. He cracked a lid and watched as his brother stripped and went right to the shower. Sam got up and searched his pockets. For what exactly he didn't know, then he found the match book for the motel across town.

His long fingers turned it over and over then slipped it back in the pocket. Sam could smell the raunchy odor of come inside Dean's jeans and figured it was a mix of his brothers and the vampires. The thought of Benny taking Dean that way caused his stomach to turn. Sam ran out in his boxers and vomited into a bush lined up with the patio.

He stepped back inside only to find Dean holding a towel around his waist watching him with curiosity, "You drank too much last night baby boy?"

Sam wiped a dirty t shirt over his mouth, "Something like that."

Then Dean smelled it, the rankness of old semen wafting up from his jeans, he quickly stuffed them in a laundry bag. "Sorry I'll do a load, they got a Laundromat here…you want me to wash your stuff?"

Sam snapped, "No, I don't want that gross shit on my clothes." He was sorry as soon as he said it.

Dean's attempts at cheerfulness faded replaced by hurt and embarrassment. He grabbed some clean boxers, turned away and slipped them on then stood there a moment with slumped shoulders, "I need comfort…I'm sorry it bothers you so much." Dean got dressed, gathered his clothes and left to throw in a load.

….

When he got back Sam was in the shower and Dean was relieved, he couldn't take the stress of his brother's anger toward him for a list of reasons real and imaginary. Sam wasn't one for apologies or cutting Dean a break when he needed one the most, he had given up on Sam's soft side a long time ago.

…

They went to the cannery first, Dean cut the lock and the brothers kicked in the plywood boarded over a broke window. Sam waved Dean around the other side to start a sweep and meeting somewhere in the middle.

Dean wove his way through the main room quickly checking under rusty old machines covered in pigeon crap. He tried his best not to breath it all in but a man had to have air and Dean's was in short supply.

He coughed into a handkerchief and saw the pink tingled bubbles, _"Damn it…not now!"_The hunter balled it up and tossed it behind some crates. They had coated themselves with vamp ashes before entering to throw off the scent of human but now Dean just rang a dinner bell and if any vamps were near he knew they were screwed.

….

Sam pressed against the pillar and waited as one trailed its nose through the air catching a scent, the female didn't see it coming. Her head went sailing and bounced off the wall, after that it was on. Two males came barreling down on Sam, he took care of one but another pounced bringing Sam to the cement.

"Hey asshole!"

The vampire turned just in time to see Dean before his head separated from his body. Sam pushed it off and got up, "They came from that door there."

…..

They found four more resting but when Dean walked in it was as if a switch turned on inside them focusing on him in particular figuring he was easy pickings.

Sam swung lopping off a head; he couldn't believe how they went after his brother ignoring him all together, "Hey over here!"

Two broke off leaving one for Dean; he swung and missed tumbling to floor gasping for air. The vamp sat on top of him and mocked the hunter, "You're the traitors whore…if you like vamp cock so much maybe I can oblige."

Dean swung and connected but all the punch did was make him work that much harder to breath, he gasped, "I'm no one's whore."

The vampire tore open Deans shirt and ran cold fingers over his skin, "not much left inside of you…sluggish blood and dying heart but sooo pretty."

He sliced a sharp nail over the hunters chest and tasted him, he spat out the blood in disgust, "Too close to dead man's blood," he bent down and whispered, "how is it your still alive?"

Sam was working on the last one when he caught the words but was too busy to process them; he grabbed the male by the hair and swung.

Dean laid there as Sam knelt next to him, "Dean we have to get out of here."

He wrapped his arms around Sam's neck feeling shame for his weakness. He was carried out like an invalid and put in the back of the Impala like child. Dean's worst fears were coming true, Sam had to save him.

….

His eyes fluttered open and closed again, "Am I dead?" He heard Sam's voice, "I hope not because then I'm dead and we're haunting a shitty motel room." Dean chuckled, "Yeah that would suck."

He felt a warm towel wipe his face; it felt comforting as Sam worked gently with no questions fired at Dean. He fell back asleep into a blessed, dreamless darkness.

….

Dean woke up feeling better; the smell of coffee did the trick. Sam splurged on the fancy stuff and the two take out containers sat on the little table by the window, "Come on Dean get up, your foods getting cold."

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and yawned loudly, "How long was I out?" Sam shrugged, "Long enough…eat."

"Yes sir."

They sat there looking out the window, both eating their food slowly, the silence was terrible and Dean was the one that broke it, "Sammy we have to talk about you're nightmares."

Sam paused in mid bite then kept eating, "No we don't Dean."

"I need to help you through this."

Sam's features hardened, "Dean I can handle it."

Dean snorted, "Yeah sure that's why you scream and cry every night in your sleep, what he did to you was …"

Sam shoved his food away in disgust, "Shut up I survived it ok?"

"Barely, you were in the hospital for weeks! Sam I barely survived without you and he tried to take you away from me." Dean ran his fingers over a scar on Sam's hand, "I can't live without you, I won't."

Sam changed the subject, "What happened at the cannery Dean? You collapsed and you couldn't breathe. Hell you slept for over a day. You had blood on your mouth now explain that."

Dean gave him the patented Dean Winchester grin, "Wow mom sorry I'm worn the hell out and I got clocked in the mouth, I'm not a kid Sammy back off. I'm fine, just really tired right down to my bones."

Sam watched Dean pick at his food, something was wrong because his brother never met a meal he didn't like, "What did that vamp mean about dead man's blood and all that other crap?"

Dean rubbed the cut on his chest, "Don't know what you mean, I think you were a little busy Sam. When you're fighting a monster sometimes you don't hear so well."

Sam grabbed his face and searched the big green eyes for a lie but he knew if there was one Dean could hide it and he would never know, "Please be honest, I need to know if something's wrong."

Dean gave him a wink and a smirk, "I'm five by five Sammy, don't worry about me."

….

Dean waited for Benny outside the motel across town, he didn't see the vampire coming instead he got a bear hug from behind and lifted off his feet. When the beard dragged over his neck it tickled and Dean laughed, "Put me down damn it!" Benny put him back on his feet then pushed him into the room.

They both quickly stripped and tumbled to the bed groping and kissing in a blind lust until Benny took charge and buried his face between the hunters legs breathing in the scent of his lover, "Damn you smell sweet… glad you didn't shower, I like you just a little dirty."

Dean thrust his hips slapping the vampire in the face with his long cock begging for attention, "Hurt me Benny make me feel something."

"No."

Dean felt a flash of anger, "What do you mean?"

"I mean I won't hurt you…I won't talk down to you anymore either. I don't like it and you don't deserve it. Dean you can put any spin you want on this but in the end of the day this isn't me. If I love someone I only have tender feelings, it's hard for me to do those things."

Dean sat up and covered himself, the shame he was so familiar with creeping in, "Alright we can do it straight." Benny gently pushed him back again, "There isn't anything straight about what I'm going to do to you."

Benny licked his fingers and slipped them snuggly between the cleft of the hunters ass, "I'll be gentle with your heart," Dean felt cool lips press against his ear; "I'm going to save you."

TBC


	4. Broken Hearted

Dean rocked on the thick fingers as the vampire stroked the hunter just right inside. Benny took the semi erect cock in his mouth running a practiced tongue over the head prodding the tight slit urging Dean to give him more.

Dean felt his heart pound wildly in his chest as his need to orgasm built quickly and when he finally reached his peak it was all the hunter could do to catch his breath. For a moment he stopped as lights seem to pop beneath the lids and he was sure he was dying.

"Dean…Dean are you with me brother?"

He opened his eyes and looked around the room feeling disoriented, "Sammy?"

"No it's just Benny, you're with me at a motel."

Dean felt exhausted and his brain fuzzy, "Ok I got it now." He traced his fingers over his softening cock, "I should get back to Sam."

"You're not going anywhere, rest up and you can go back in the morning." Benny wiped the sweat from the pale skin, "You don't look so good…Dean I said I'd save you. I have an offer; I can turn you and take all this pain away."

Dean struggled out of bed and backed away from his friend, "No, never I'd rather just die. No offense but I spent my life hunting the likes of you."

Benny's blue eyes darkened, "You think I'm a dog on a leash Dean? Living on bagged blood and take the scraps…I don't, I'm not good Dean but I'm not bad."

Dean slipped his jeans on and took another step back, "Damn it Benny if your feeding I can't look the other way."

"It's who I feed on Dean; this world will never run out of bad people. Murderers, rapists, drug dealers, pimps…hell Dean you had to prostitute yourself, don't tell me you never thought of killing John for that. Look what he did to Sam, when a man does that to his child I don't think he needs to breathe anymore."

"I just can't."

Benny pleaded with him, "You want to leave Sam? I know what you got with him, I think he treats you like shit Dean but you keep going back for more and there is a reason for that."

"Shut your fucking mouth Benny I swear…"

"You're in love with him, just say it and get it over with."

Dean sat down feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, having to face the truth in front of another person was more than he could take, "Sam is my responsibility and our lives are complicated so don't sit there and tell me I'm in love with my brother when you don't know a damn thing about it."

Benny grew somber and looked away from the man he loved more than he let on, "I've been in love Dean, I know it when I see it and when your together it's so obvious its almost humorous watching the two of you do that dance. Both so twisted together that you don't know where one of you begins and the other ends."

Dean clasped his hands together tightly to keep them from trembling, he was so tired of lying to himself and now that life was slipping away he was sick of lying to others. The burden was too much, the pain all too real and he couldn't take it anymore, "Your right I love him."

"Then take my offer."

"I need time Benny, can I have time?"

"Sure baby, come back here and sleep, things will look clearer in the morning."

…

Sam's body twisted on the bed as his mind was trapped in a nightmare without Dean there to pull him out. His brain was locked on a memory playing out in sickening detail.

…..

_Dean didn't go to school that day so Sam took the long walk home by himself, when he saw the Impala parked in front of the building he felt a mix a nausea and excitement at the chance to see his dad again._

_Sam hurried up the stairs and unlocked the door quiet as a mouse to surprise them, he stepped inside but the main room was empty, he set down his backpack and walked toward the only bedroom in the apartment when he heard voices._

_Sam cracked the door and what he saw that day changed him forever. _

_He took a step back and the floor made a creak that to him sounded so loud the whole building must have heard it but only John and Dean did. They both turned toward the door. Dean looked at him with tear filled eyes full of pain and defeat._

_John called out for Sam but he ran out the door, down the stairs and right out of the building into the coming darkness and didn't stop until his lungs burned and he couldn't catch his breath._

From that day forward Sam Winchester branded himself the biggest coward ever instead of seeing it for what it was, a ten year old that walked in on a horrific scene and bolting like a frightened animal. It was instinct not cowardice but he never forgave himself for not saving his brother.

…..

He got up and dressed then hiked down the road to a bar and got drunk, he wanted something pretty to block out the nightmare and when Sam spotted an equally drunk young fisherman he made eye contact hoping it wasn't a bar full of straight men or closet cases in so deep that jumping him seemed sporting.

Then the doe eyed man winked at him and Sam knew he had his booty call for the night. He nodded toward the door and the man followed Sam paces behind him back to the motel trying to keep up with the long legs working quickly to get it all over with.

…

Sam was rough with stranger working him over, biting and slapping, squeezing hard enough to leave bruises but as always being as beautiful as Sam they let the hunter do what he wanted and people complied, no force needed. Men thought they were lucky to be bedded by Sam Winchester but Sam thought they were unfortunate to spend the night with someone with only a thread of control left inside him.

Afterward Sam let him stay planning on kicking him out before Dean got back. Sam was angry his brother was with the vampire and this was revenge no matter how twisted. He didn't have a right, Sam could never give in, give Dean what he wanted because it was wrong and Sam a coward.

…

Benny watched as Dean tied his boots and grabbed his jacket, "It's not even light out Dean, why don't I buy you breakfast first?"

"No Benny, I need to go back and think everything through and then I'll let you know."

After the hunter left Benny buried his face in the pillow Dean used, it was soaked in sweat and all the vampire had left of him. He missed his lover already.

…..

Sam bolted up in bed when he heard the key in the lock, "Fuck…fuck get out of here!" He shoved the sleeping male toward the edge and he grappled to stay on, "Hey alright I'm going let me stand first."

It was too late; Dean stepped inside and took it all in, the stink of sex in the room and the guy scrambling to put on his pants. Dean tossed the keys on the table, "Don't rush on my account, I'm only his brother and I don't give a shit."

Dean went to the bathroom and took a shower, by the time he got out the man was gone and Sam was wearing sweat pants, "Dean look…"

"Look nothing Sammy it's your life, if that's what you want…bar trash go for it."

Sam's whole body tensed and his fists tightened, "Because that's so much worse than bottoming for a vampire, what's it like with a cold dick up your ass?"

They both went for each other tumbling to the floor with fists flying, the tension breaking them down. Sam easily beat Dean with his brother only getting in a few good punches. He got off him and held out a hand, "Come on, I won so just keep your mouth shut."

But Dean didn't take the hand, open his eyes or respond in anyway, Sam went to his knees and felt for a pulse relieved when there was one. He pressed his ear to Dean's chest and heard the wet sound of his lungs trying to expand; Sam grabbed the phone and dialed 911.

TBC


	5. Dead Man Walking

Sam rode with his brother in the ambulance and watched as the paramedic tended to him, "Who hit you?" Dean's eyes moved to Sam and back to the paramedic, he didn't mean to do that but it just happened without Dean realizing it, "I fell."

Dean was on oxygen as they brought him into the emergency room but when Sam tried to follow him in they stopped him, "Sorry you can't come in here." The nurse blocked the door, "What do you mean, I can't see him? That's my brother now move it!"

"You can make this easy and sit in the waiting room or hard and I can call security." Sam backed down, he figured Dean would ask for him so he retreated to the waiting area where he took a seat by the window and waited.

…

Dean was stabilized and much more alert after the oxygen, he felt better than he had in awhile. A hospital social worker came in and sat by the bed with a clipboard, introduced herself and started asking him questions, "Hi Dean my name is Kate and I'm a hospital social worker, I just want to ask you a few questions, you had some injuries consistent with abuse and I need to know if your partner struck you…do you feel like you're in danger?"

"No, not at all I'm fine, Sammy and I just got into it like we always do and I lost this time, no big deal. When can I get out of here?"

They had no insurance, being a hunter didn't come with a health plan and before Deans heart problems there wasn't a need for it. Any cuts they could sew up and the rest had to heal on its own or suffer just like when they were kids.

"So the man that came with you didn't do this? The ambulance driver was under the impression he was the one that hurt you."

"Yeah but you don't get it, I hit him back…look I have to go. I don't have any money to pay for this so I'm sure they are gonna boot my ass out anyway."

She tapped her pen on the board and sighed, she knew he took a beating. Dean had a busted lip, an eye that was quickly turning into a shiner and a bruise on his face but if he didn't want to talk she couldn't make him.

"Dean the doctor is going to come in and talk with you and then you can figure out all the details, I'm going to leave my card and if you need anything call me alright?"

Dean wouldn't look at her so Kate set her card on the nightstand and left.

….

Sam saw her leave and hurried over to talk to Kate, "Hey I'm his brother Sam, what did he say…is Dean alright?" She looked up at the giant, sweet looking young man and wondered how someone with that much pain and concern on his face could have beaten someone so ill, "I'm sorry I can't talk to you."

She hesitated, this was the hard part of her job, keeping her mouth shut and letting things just happen. In a perfect world she would have yelled at Sam for hitting him, told him that his brother was very sick and he was a bastard for doing that but she didn't. Kate did what she was always forced to do and walked away.

…..

Sam watched the door and the nurses' station across from it waiting for them to leave or be distracted so he could go inside. The doctor had gone in and Dean still hadn't asked for him. Sam felt a guilt so heavy he wanted to die thinking he was the cause for Dean collapsing, if Sam had know the truth it would have been that much worse.

…

After the usual questions the doctor went over Dean carefully, he actually sat down to talk to him, "Dean you're a very sick man, are you aware how far along you are?"

Dean gave him a grim, humorless smile, "No shit…I'm dying and I know it. Purgatory will do that to a guy, it's not a nice place by a long shot. Look I don't have money for treatment and there's no fixing my ticker anyway so I don't know what we have to talk about."

The doctor ignored the purgatory comment chalking it up to confusion, "There are treatments to keep you stable, prevent more damage and buy you some time. You can have oxygen at night, have some available when you need it…a nebulizer and some…"

"Just stop it! I know where this ends and it's not good, you're giving me band aids for something that needs a miracle."

Doctor Kurt thought Dean was certainly a different sort of case, most people responded to treatment and if managed could go on for years but Dean's rapid decline in someone so young was strange to say the least.

"I need to run tests on you and do an assessment."

"I don't have money, this isn't happening, just send me on my way."

"The man you came in with is your brother, maybe I could speak with him and we could come up with a treatment plan together."

Dean swung his legs over the side and stood but wobbled a bit, "No, you're making me upset and I'm sure you don't want me in here so just let me go."

The doctor knew the young man was determined to go and he couldn't stop him so he left Dean with some information and numbers he could call for help.

…..

Sam saw the doctor leave and ran in the room shutting the door behind him, a nurse knocked telling Sam to open up but Sam leaned his weight against it, Dean yelled it was ok and she stopped.

"Dean I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you like this. You have to stay if you don't feel well, what did they say?"

"I'm five by five Sammy, right as rain don't worry about it."

Sam had been crying, his nose was red and his cheeks flushed, clear Sammy signs of bawling, "Geez Samantha stop acting like a girl and get me my boots."

Sam made Dean sit while he put his socks and boots on for him but Dean did the rest. Sam insisted on pushing the wheelchair out the door as the nurse followed, he called them a cab and they headed back to the motel.

On the way back Sam did something he hadn't since they were kids, he took Dean's hand and held it tight. Dean was afraid to acknowledge it and scare his brother off so he just held on enjoying the physical touch from someone that spent his life avoiding it.

…

Sam paid another week on the motel and went to get groceries and pick up a pizza. Dean lay in bed drinking a beer and watching TV trying not to think about anything.

There was a knock on the door and Dean saw it was Benny, he let him in and handed him a beer, "Dean I was worried about you," he touched the busted lip, "your face is beat up, what happened?"

Dean shrugged and kept watching the fishing program, "Sam and I got into it, he won. I went to hospital."

Benny was furious with Sam but didn't show it, he knew it would just make things worse, "Have you thought about what I said?"

"I really didn't have time Benny, I walked in on my baby boy in bed with some bar whore and from there I didn't have time to think. I'll get around to it, hang in there."

Sam bumped the door open and dropped the groceries on the table, he spotted Benny and normally would have been perturbed but in light of what he thought he did the hunter was embarrassed thinking Dean had said Sam put him in the hospital. He went out to get the pizza and surprisingly asked Benny to stay and eat with them.

"Thanks anyway Sam, I just stopped by to say hello to Dean." He brushed past him and vanished into the night.

….

Sam sat there picking all the toppings off the pizza until there was only cheese; he got it loaded with all of Dean's favorites. It always drove Dean nuts when Sam did that but tonight he found it endearing, "There won't be anything left when you get done."

"I don't care, I'm not real hungry,what about you Dean, you're still on your first slice."

"I'm not real hungry anymore…Sammy if I just up and died what would you do?"

Sam frowned down at the congealed mess on his paper plate, "Shut up Dean, don't say that."

It was a real question Sam had asked himself a million times and the answers varied from starting over with a new life, trying to bring Dean back from the dead or just kill himself by going on a dangerous hunt and let some creature kill him.

"Hey…look me in the eye and tell me, I'm serious."

Sam wiped his eyes and focused on his brother, "I don't know, what aren't you telling me?"

Dean polished off his beer and sat back, "What if I was dying and there was a way to save me but it made me…I don't know…still me but sort of a monster."

"What a damn choice! Is this a hypothetical question or…"

"Forget it." Dean got up and put on his jacket and headed for the door but Sam blocked him, "Come on Sam let me go."

Sam reached out to touch Dean's bruised face but his brother flinched, "I can't be hurt anymore just let me go and don't make me kick your ass Sam."

Sam stood his ground knowing his brother had no other choice but to stay, "No, you're going to talk to me so you might as well get comfortable and start being honest."

Dean looked up at the ceiling as he felt tears gathering, "Only if you're honest with me."

TBC


	6. The Kiss

Dean was under the covers, he couldn't look Sam in the eye and he was so tired that it seemed like the best place for him to talk. Sam sat on the other bed leaning against the head board and all the lights were off.

"Alright Dean, tell me everything."

"How about we take turns asking questions and if we think the other is a liar then we don't move on until the truth comes out."

There was pause on Sam's side, "Fine."

Dean started before Sam could get a word out after that, "If I were sick would you accept anything I did to stay alive…I mean anything Sam. if I became something we hunted but I was still me inside would you love me or kill me, and don't give me a bullshit answer."

"Dean, are you a monster?"

Sam heard a groan of frustration come from Dean's side, "Just answer me."

"I would have to kill you."

Dean was shocked by the blunt answer, he didn't know what to say after that so he switched gears, "If you could have anyone in the world to be your partner and I mean as a lover, who would it be?"

Sam blurted out, "You, but Dean it doesn't matter because I'm not going there. This is because of dad, he fucked us up and made us this way…twisted and broken."

Dean's heart sank when he heard that, Sam had a way of making Dean feel dirty and unwanted and he was tired of feeling that way, "Just forget it."

"Are you sick Dean, just tell me."

"I'm a liability hunting now. I think I should just bow out and you get another partner. Purgatory took a lot out of me, that's all you need to know."

Sam felt the guilt engulf him like a wave leaving him to drown in self hatred over abandoning his brother and leaving him to Benny, "Dean I'm sorry but we said not to look for each other, move on and live a life…that's what I did, I built a sort of life away from hunting."

Dean felt those damned tears again running hot down his clammy skin, "I never would have stopped looking for you Sam, I would have torn the world and everything beyond it apart trying to find you because that's how much I need you but I suppose we are pretty different after all."

Sam's voice was barely a whisper, "I'm sorry, how sick are you Dean?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll help you take out the rest of the nest and then I'm heading back to South Dakota, I don't need a nursemaid so you can strike out on your own and not feel guilty about it. I think we both need to move on."

Dean was letting him go, Sam gave him the answers he needed. His brother thought their love was wrong and made it clear nothing would happen. He came right out and said he would kill Dean if he were a monster so Dean didn't see the point in turning.

It all would have been for Sam anyway and without him Dean didn't have much to live for anymore. He couldn't stop his body from deteriorating and he couldn't force Sam into a relationship. That was the moment Dean gave up.

Sam kept poking around for answers but Dean pretended he was asleep until he finally drifted off just too exhausted to listen to his brother anymore.

….

Two in the morning Sam was sobbing in his sleep and Dean woke up right on cue, he was grateful that this time there was no thrashing around because he didn't think he had the strength to handle his brother in that state.

Dean lay next to him and shook his shoulder, "Sam…baby wake up your dreaming." Sam's eyes fluttered open and looked around in the darkness, "I had a dream that I was alone…I couldn't find you."

"Well I'm here right now so don't worry."

Usually that was the part where Sam got up to pee and Dean went back to his bed but this time Sam stayed and hugged his brother to him. Dean went for broke and kissed Sam figuring he wouldn't punch him.

Sam briefly returned the kiss but then pushed him away, "I can't do this." He got up and quickly dressed as Dean buried his face in the pillow, defeated and resigned to his fate.

Sam hurried out the door slamming it behind him, he ran just like he had done in the past when he couldn't face the truth or his own weaknesses.

He did it has a kid then again when he left Dean with John and went to Stanford and later purgatory.

Eventually he ended up at a gas station and went in to buy a bottle of Jameson. Sam sat outside on a bench and watched the fog roll through. The cool, moisture soaked air seeped into his bones and the whiskey did little to combat it.

After an hour Sam went to use the gas station bathroom and as he washed his hands the hunter examined his face in the mirror and hated what he saw looking back at him, a liar and a coward.

…

Dean got up after Sam left and grabbed a bottle of whiskey then drank deeply until he started coughing again; his chest was lit on fire as his body struggled for air. He crawled into his own bed and faced the wall. Dean had a clear plan now, cut Sam off and let him go once and for all then drive back to Sioux Falls and wait to die. It wasn't much of a plan but it was all he had.

….

Sam stumbled in drunk several hours later and Dean was asleep, his breathing sounded ragged and wet. Sam sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his hair for awhile but Dean didn't wake up. He went to his own bed to sleep in hopes that tomorrow things would be better. Maybe they could have that talk without the aid of booze or darkness to hide their feelings.

No matter what Sam decided he wasn't letting Dean go anywhere.

…

Sam woke up to no brother in the next bed; he could hardly blame him after the rejection. It was a kneejerk reaction he regretted, the kiss was brief but it was all he could think about. Dean's lips felt exactly how he imagined; velvety soft, they fit Sam's perfectly burning a memory inside of him forever.

The brothers never had school dances, normal dates or sweet romances growing up; it was all hard edges, pain and denial. Life with John was brutal, exhausting and crippled them both in ways neither could admit but all of that faded away the moment Dean kissed him, it was truly life changing and now Sam wanted more.

….

He assumed Dean was still raw from the rejection and went to get coffee and doughnuts to buy himself some time before they had to talk about last night.

Sam still needed to find out about his brothers illness, the same one that sent him to the emergency room. The cryptic questions and conversation last night still left no answers.

Sam took a shower and then sat vigil by the window waiting for Dean to come back so they could straighten out this mess of a life they shared.

After a while he grew bored and went to get the remote, that's when he noticed the note shoved partly under the lamp on the nightstand. He opened it and read the scrawled message written with a shaky hand.

"Went back to SD. Sorry about last night. Don't worry about me, live that life you wanted before I came back and ruined it all. Find someone nice and be happy for once. D"

Sam punched the mirror on the wall breaking the glass and almost his hand then shouted to an empty room, "Damn it Dean you stupid jerk!" He immediately started calling every phone his brother had but Dean wouldn't answer.

….

Before dawn Benny heard a knock and there was Dean, he flung open the door and pulled him inside giving the hunter a bear hug, "Dean you're going to do it."

"No Benny I came to say goodbye, I'm heading back to Sioux Falls."

The vampire hugged him even tighter, "I won't let you die Dean, not when you have an option."

Dean used all his strength left to push him away, "This is my option, I kissed Sam last night and he rejected me. He would kill me if I weren't human, Sam said our fucked up childhood is the only reason we feel this way about each other. It's done Benny; I cut him loose so he can have that life he wanted while we were rotting in purgatory."

Benny kissed him hoping Dean would stay, change his mind and be with him. In fact Benny loved the hunter so much he would have gladly turned Dean and let him go just so he could have a life with Sam.

It was that kind of love where you're unselfish and willing give something up to make things better for the person that owns your heart. Benny would rather have Dean alive in some way and not have him at all than dead and never see him again.

"Stay with me just a little while, one last time Dean…please."

Dean took off his jacket and sat on the lumpy old bed, "I'm not much Benny, I don't know what I can do."

"Hey sweetheart I'll do all the work."

Benny took off all the hunters clothing then his own, Dean laid there as the vampire worked on him but all he could manage to get was a plumped up cock lying lazy over a hip.

"You want me to stop?"

"No Benny you can have me…I told you I wasn't much."

The vampire let it go and just held him awhile, afterward he talked to Dean again hoping to change his mind or at least stay until Benny could get Sam and force Dean to tell him the truth.

The hunters answer was an emphatic no.

…

Dean hit the road after a kiss goodbye. He had a place to go off the beaten path where no one would bother him. Dean pulled onto the highway and off to South Dakota.

He rummaged around for something to listen to and found one of Sam's mixed tapes. Dean always thought Sam's taste in music was crap but he popped in the tape anyway. He glanced over to the empty passenger seat and felt a wave of loneliness so intense his gut clenched up and his throat tightened, _"Don't start crying…suck it up soldier…be a man."_ The voice in Deans head was not his own.

…

Sam found bloody tissues in the bathroom garbage as well as a fine mist dried over the sink that Dean had neglected to wipe down in his hurry to leave. He ransacked the small room and found the discharge papers from the emergency room balled up and tossed in the wastebasket.

When he read the words "congestive heart failure" his knees buckled, Sam sat for just a minute as all the clues came together and then he realized how blind he was, the breathing problems, Deans chronic exhaustion, his chills and coughing all made sense now.

Sam thought back to the night Dean asked what he would do if he were a monster and Sam said he would have to kill him, _"Oh god, Dean no I didn't mean it!_" Sam grabbed his gear and left.

He hotwired a car, swapped out the plates and headed for South Dakota but Dean had hours on him now and Sam had no idea where his brother would hide out.

There were places even he didn't know about that Dean kept to himself but Sam was skilled at tracking and had a incentive, save his brother and telling him how he felt so they could move on somehow together.

….

Benny sat there awhile just thinking about a world without Dean Winchester in it and the vampire decided it wouldn't be right. He grabbed his duffle, walked to the highway and stuck out his thumb to hitch a ride to South Dakota.

TBC


	7. Hunting the Hunter

Dean couldn't do it, he tried to drive straight through to Sioux Falls but the man was exhausted. He pulled into the first dive motel he could find and paid cash for the room.

The bed was sunken and the sheets questionable but Dean was to the point where sleeping was all he could think of. The hunter stripped to his boxer briefs and crawled under the sheet; he began to cough again and laid there trying to remember what it felt like to take a deep breath.

…

Dean had nightmares of purgatory, the twilight world he was trapped in with Benny. There they forged a sort of life together; every moment spent trying to survive. When the pair found a safe haven like an unoccupied cave they took advantage of it.

The first time Benny kissed him Dean pulled back and punched his friend in the face. If he couldn't have Sam then Dean didn't want anyone but as the time wore on and help never arrived he needed the comfort. The second time Benny kissed him Dean kissed back and he had to admit it felt good.

Dean had finally allowed Benny to have sex with him and the pain was worth it. Dean felt more alive than he had in a long time. Letting go and allowing someone else to take away what he was hoping Sam could give him was healing. Benny gave Dean a reason to keep going and not lose hope. For that he was forever grateful to the vampire.

Once the brothers found each other again Dean was shocked to learn Sam never looked for him instead opting for a meager existence as a handy man of all things. The fact Sam took up with a woman and seemed to forget about him easily enough was painful for Dean.

Not once did his brother apologize, not really. Sam had a way of turning it around on Dean, rationalizing his lack of action and new life easily not seeing a single thing wrong with what he did. Sam was harder on his brother than anyone else yet Dean still loved him.

No matter what Sam said or did to his brother Dean forgave him even though Sam never asked for the forgiveness. Now when Dean needed Sam the most he let him down once again.

…..

Sam called Dean's phone and left another message, "Dean come on answer me, don't do this we can find a way. You can't run from me I'll find you no matter what, that kiss…" the phone beeped and Sam hung up.

He hit the steering wheel and cursed the wasted time they spent apart.

…..

The semi pulled into a truck stop off the highway, the vampire was feeling hopeful now because the trucker was traveling the most direct route to Sioux Falls. Benny was constantly on the lookout for the black Impala, he told the driver his friend was very sick and he had to find him.

The fact Dean had a car that stood out so much was a bonus; the semi driver had radioed his buddies to keep an eye out for it. Benny told him the most likely places they might see it.

He knew Dean was too sick to drive through without at least stopping one night and he hoped that would be his advantage.

…..

Sam took a straight route only stopping to check possible places Dean might be holding up for the night. After reading the discharge papers he figured there was no way his brother could shoot straight through and wouldn't dare go off the beaten path.

He worried the vampire would get to Dean before he did and Sam wanted to talk to his brother first before something happened they couldn't take back.

He dialed Dean again and left another message, "Dean, pick up, I know your sick and I can help you. If Benny gets to you first wait for me, call and tell me where you are."

….

The phone sat forgotten on the floor of the Impala as Dean had a fitful, nightmare filled sleep. It was a mix of that day Sam walked in on John and Dean in that hot, stinking little apartment combined with the night Dean found Sam broken on the floor of the motel room and rushed him to the hospital.

He couldn't breathe in the nightmare and gasped for air as a hand squeezed his throat tight and Dean's lungs began to burn.

His eyes fluttered open and the hunter struggled to flip over onto his back and sit up, Dean was disoriented forgetting where he was for a moment, "Sammy?" He looked over to the empty bed next to his and then remembered he had left him.

…..

Sam had to stop for the night; he pulled into a motel only thirty miles from where Dean was staying and checked in. He tried Dean's number again and found the voice mail full.

Sam had no way to contact him anymore so he called in some favors with a couple of hunters the brothers were still friendly with. Without going into much detail he advised them Dean was heading their way and told them to keep an eye out for the Impala.

The men mentioned several spots there were cabins closed up for the season in secluded areas and offered to show them to Sam on a map when he got there. Sam figured if he left early the next morning he should hit the area by nightfall.

….

Benny was trolling for a new ride but offers were slim that time of night so he ended up stuck in the attached diner drinking coffee.

He rested his head on the table until the waitress came over and told him he couldn't sit there all night warming a seat without ordering something. Benny knew what he needed and left to find some degenerate to feed off from.

…..

Sam couldn't sleep and decided to hit a bar; he needed release and hoped to find someone easy. It didn't take long; Sam thought the young guy looked cute at least after a few drinks and good dose of bar lighting. They headed out back then grappled with each other for a few minutes until Sam shoved him against the brick and tugged down the stranger's jeans.

He was happy with what he saw, the ass was nice but not even close to Deans. Sam rolled on a condom and unceremoniously pushed his way inside with one hand clamped over the man's mouth and the other griping him around the waist.

The only sounds were Sam's grunts and balls slapping skin as he pounded the stranger's ass. The man made so much noise that the hunter was glad he remembered to cover the bar whores mouth.

Sam thought of Dean the whole time just like he always did but a new feeling came over him, guilt. It was now as if he were cheating on his brother, normally Sam felt powerful when he ravaged a stranger but after the kiss Dean gave him he found himself barely able to finish the encounter.

After a weak orgasm he pulled out and tugged off the condom, zipped up and walked back to the car.

"Hey…that's it?"

Sam didn't bother to turn around, "Yeah that's it."

…

Benny dropped him like a stone, the dealer was easy enough. Benny drank his fill then put the body in a dumpster and took his truck. Dawn was breaking and the vampire hoped a new day would bring good luck hunting his hunter.

…

Dean was up before light and on the road with a box a doughnuts in the passenger seat and a large coffee almost half gone. He would hit his destination in a matter of hours now. The place he had in mind was one he used when Sam was in school and Dean needed to get away.

It was a bug out cabin of John's so secluded that Dean didn't think Sam could find it. First he needed to know it even existed and their father sure wasn't going to tell from beyond the grave.

….

Sam hit the area that night and met up with the two hunters at a dive restaurant. They spread out their maps and had areas circled where Dean could possibly be staying. Freddie tapped his finger on a particular area, "I know John had a spot there, it's buried pretty deep but you can find it."

Sam looked the area up on his phone, "Yeah sure nothing but miles of forest, how hard could that be?"

Burton snorted, "What kind of tracker are you, didn't your daddy teach you anything?"

"Sure he taught me a lot of things but none I'm bring up in polite conversation."

…

Dean unlocked the door and hauled in the groceries and bottled water, he was done in for the night and didn't bother to change the bedding. It was musty and had a faint odor of rodent. A few spiders scurried out as he flopped back on the mattress and pulled an old quilt over him. It didn't take long and Dean was out like a light.

…..

Benny had the advantage of scent tracking, if Dean was within a range he could catch it on the breeze. The vampire also had a link to him, after their time in purgatory their bond was tight and never really broke after the pair left. He was on the trail and closing in.

TBC


	8. Blood of the Vampire

Dean opened his eyes and looked around the dark cabin forgetting for a moment where he was.

"Sam…Sammy?" Every time he woke up without his brother Dean called for him until his mind cleared and the grim circumstances came flooding back.

Dean felt the cold straight through to his bones; he went over to the stone fireplace and with a little effort got it blazing. Dean sat there with a beer leaning against the couch wondering how long it took a man to die in his condition.

The hunter fingered the pistol next to him and felt comforted, if it all got to be too much for him to take there was always a quicker way out.

Dean pulled out his phone; there were no bars. The light for the voicemail was blinking; he scrolled thought and saw they were all from Sam. Dean figured he could wait until tomorrow when he drove into town for more supplies and then see what his brother had to say.

A coughing fit wracked his body again; he didn't bother covering his mouth. The mist came out a darker red this time, it started out a pale pink when Dean first noticed but now the color was a countdown of sorts he watched with morose interest.

"_It's not going to be all that much longer now."_

…

Sam began searching; he dumped the stolen car and borrowed a truck from Freddie. He hit the small town leading up to the miles of forest bookending both sides; locals at the bar were willing to strike up a conversation with Sam. He was surprised they were so forthcoming with information.

He explained the circumstances laying it on thick and managed to pull up a few tears for them. The stocky old woman behind the bar named Lena was gruff but like most people she found a soft spot for Sam with the sad hazel eyes.

"There are all sorts of places up there, some nice tourist homes and others just cabins. Look for the chimney smoke and your sure to find your brother if he's up there. It's rough country and with the snow setting in soon he would be a fool to stay there in the winter without supplies. I hope you find him Sam."

He thanked her and left, now he had even more to worry about.

…

Dean got the water and heat going; after John died he kept up the maintenance just in case. In case of what he didn't know at the time but now the hunter was glad he did. Dean planned on using the fireplace to save on fuel just heating the place in the evenings when the temperature dropped enough to freeze the pipes. The days were still warm enough not to worry.

When Dean was done he sat outside on the wood pile enjoying the sunshine and wondered how much he would miss it when he was dead. There were a lot things he wondered about, would he end up in Heaven or Hell, would he be able to watch over Sam or was there only darkness waiting for him.

The only upside to it all was just maybe Dean would get to see Mary again but he didn't count on it.

Dean opened his wallet and pulled out a worn photo of Sam taken before he left for college. Sam had that look Dean called his bitch face but it didn't matter, he always thought his brother looked sweet even when he was sour.

"I miss you…I wish things were different Sammy I really do, I wish you could see past what you think is so bad and just see what's right but it's too late now." Dean wiped his eyes then headed back inside careful to walk slowly so he didn't over exert himself.

Dean made it to the porch then clutched his chest. His heart labored as he climbed the steps, thumping so loud Dean thought ever creature in the woods could hear it.

….

Benny had caught a scent and then lost it again as he drove the stolen truck through the rough roads if they could even be called that. They were more or less rutted trails, the truck bounced along as the vampire kept his nose in the breeze coming through the open window.

He slammed on the brakes and put the truck in park; Benny jumped out and trailed his nose through the air.

Benny bared his teeth as the heavy scent of blood filled his nostrils, _"Dean I've got you now."_

….

Sam kept checking his phone but there were no message from Dean, he tried his brother's again but the voice mail was still full. After hours of searching in the wrong direction he gave up and went into a little diner open in town. He ordered then spread the map out on the table marking off where he already searched.

There was nothing but empty cabins and miles more to check, Sam didn't even know if his brother actually came here or if he had been jerking Sam's chain.

The young guy serving him put down the food and held up the coffee, refill?"

"Yeah…hey you live around here, have you ever heard of the name Winchester?"

He looked around the empty restaurant then sat down and tapped the map, "Why, is that the person you're looking for?"

"My brother is missing and really sick, I have to find him fast. Our father might have had a hunting cabin we didn't know about, his name was John."

The server yelled, "Hey mom, do you know a John Winchester?"

She walked out wiping her hands on a towel; she narrowed her eyes, suspicious of the young man with her son, "Why…who wants to know?"

That was when Sam knew he found one of the many women John had screwed over literally and figuratively.

….

Benny parked the truck a few miles away knowing Dean might be dangerous even to him. The vampire hiked in, he found the cabin with the scent of Dean's blood and smoke coming out of the chimney. He opened the door surprised it wasn't locked.

"Dean its Benny don't whack me."

"What do you want Benny?"

Benny looked around the room and spotted Dean in the bedroom door holding a machete, "Are you going to kill me with that?"

Dean put it down and dropped his head, "I'd never kill you Benny."

Benny hurried over and grabbed him, Dean collapsed in his arms and started to cry, "Hey it's ok, I'm here for you brother."

He pressed his lips to the pulse on the hunter's neck and felt how weak it was; Benny picked him up and carried Dean to the bed putting him down gently. "Dean stay right here, I got to hike back and get my truck."

….

Trina sat next to her son and listened while Sam gave her an overview. She shook her head, "So that piece of shit was your father? I feel sorry for you and your brother."

Her son whispered, "Mom don't say that."

"It's true Seth! He left me with bills and a bunch of heartache. Sam if you're looking for that cabin of his I might have an idea. You've been looking in the wrong place." She pointed on the map, "I remember him bringing me here in this area when we…you know."

She looked out the window at the darkness settling in, "Don't go out there now, you're gonna get lost, in the morning things will be better, you can have a big breakfast and spend the day searching. Besides if Dean has a fire going you can spot it easier."

Sam nodded, "Alright, is there a place to stay around here?"

…

Benny came back in and stoked the fire then looked at the food situation; he heated Dean up a can of stew and brought it in, "Dean, wake up you have to eat."

He opened his eyes at the sound of the vampire's voice, "Why?"

Benny made him sit up and lean against his chest, "Do it for me."

Dean took the spoon and brought some of it to his mouth and then dropped it, "I can't even feed myself anymore." When Benny tried to help he snapped, "No I can do it, give me minute alright?"

Dean steadied himself and tried again this time succeeding, Benny gave him a kiss on the cheek, "There you go, see you can do it Dean."

"Oh my god, are you going to start talking to me like a fucking baby?"

"Sorry darlin' I'm just trying to help you."

The vampire nuzzled the damp skin on his neck, "I missed you, Dean could I stay, I won't be a bother."

If Benny had a heart that worked it would have been breaking, he was overcome with a wave of love so strong he thought he might just die all over again.

When Dean said he could stay the night Benny made the decision to turn him if Dean wanted it or not.

….

Sam laid there staring at the ceiling, without Dean there beside him there wasn't much else to do. Sam thought about everything he wanted to say to his brother.

The first thing he would say was how much he loved him and wished all those times Dean cried Sam had hugged him and gave the comfort he needed.

There were so many things over the years Sam felt he needed to be forgiven for but he worried it was too little too late.

…

Benny cranked up the heat and gave Dean a bath, He kneeled next to the tub talking to the hunter softly about silly things making Dean laugh despite his circumstances.

He wheezed as he spoke, "Stop it Benny I'm trying to be miserable and your ruining it."

"Well that's what I'm here for, to ruin your bad mood." He shampooed Deans close cropped hair that was actually getting a bit shaggy, "You need a haircut; I'm not turned on by chick hair like…" He stopped himself.

"You mean like Sam's?"

"I didn't mean to bring him up. Dean you know I'd do anything for you right?"

"Benny you don't owe me anything, you found the way out."

"I know Dean but you gave me the ride out and kept your word. Remember what we had there, I was lost until you came to me. Laying there together in a cave listening to the wild sounds, your arms around me was romantic in a way."

When Dean didn't answer Benny changed the subject, "Anyway Dean your turning into a prune let me help you out."

Dean hung onto him as Benny toweled his body, he had lost weight the past few months but Sam didn't seem to notice. Benny did but he didn't mention it, the feel of Dean's hip bones was jarring to the vampire.

He had changed the sheets with ones not so musty and helped Dean into bed then stripped and crawled in next to him. As he kissed Deans neck the hunter protested weakly, "Benny I can't, I'm too sick."

"It's all good baby I'll do everything and if nothing happens I'm fine with that. We can just rest together; will you let me enjoy you?"

Dean didn't have any fight left inside of him to say no, "Alright."

Benny worked a trail down Dean's body stopping to take in a nipple then continuing until he hit the hollow of a hip. He felt his friend tremble, "Are you ok Dean?"

Dean gasped, "Yeah…ok."

Benny nuzzled between the slim legs nipping and sucking, taking it all in and more. He pushed Dean's legs open and held them while probing his ass gently with his tongue. Benny kissed him there and then went back to rest with Dean.

Dean would never admit it but he was happy the vampire found him, being alone was frightening and all his bravado left as soon as those familiar arms surrounded him again.

He rubbed his cheek on the strong, broad chest and closed his eyes, "I don't want to die." Then Dean began to sob and couldn't stop he had wanted to, "I don't want to die Benny…I can't leave Sam."

He began to cough so hard that large droplets covered the vampires chest, Benny pulled him up and rested Dean on a pillow.

"Dean I won't let you die."

This time Dean didn't argue, he let Benny take control and made the choice for him. The vampire bit his own wrist open and pressed it to Dean's mouth. When the hunter closed his eyes and began sucking slowly Benny smiled. Dean accepted it and chose to go on.

…..

Sam woke early, ate quickly at the diner then headed for the area the woman had pointed out on the map. He had a full tank of gas and a whole day ahead of him to find his brother and right all the wrongs both real and imagined.

…

Dean opened his eyes the next morning and looked out the window, he felt different. Every sense was heightened, he swore he could hear the beating heart of a mouse in the wall behind him. He looked over at the vampire next to him; Dean saw the wound on his wrist and bent down to kiss it.

Benny opened his eyes and smiled, "Welcome to my world, how do you feel?"

Dean sat up and rubbed his chest, "I don't hurt now but I'm hungry…what can I do? I can't just kill someone."

Benny got up and dressed then watched out the window, he sensed someone was coming. "You can kill the refuse, the truly bad people Dean. Otherwise you can just feed a little to keep going. I have a suggestion but you might not like it."

"What is it?"

"If you find a human willing you can drink from them, the transformation is irreversible once you partake. Maybe Sam will be that human, you can be with him Dean. A symbiotic relationship…Sam gets you, you get blood and Sam. If you're out hunting and right person comes along, someone deserving of a deep six then drink your fill."

"Sam doesn't know where I am and I'm not putting this burden at his feet."

Benny watched the truck bounce up the rutted road and stop next to the Impala, "I guess you can ask him yourself, Dean if you don't feed for the first time then I'm sorry brother, but you're going to die anyway."

….

When Sam spotted the Impala he felt a sense of relief, now he had Dean and they could figure it all out. He pulled in but then hesitated as he left the vehicle, Dean sick or not was dangerous and Sam didn't know if he would want to see him or not.

Sam looked at the other truck parked there and his gut told him it was Benny. Sam grabbed his gun and the machete then stalked toward the cabin, Benny stepped onto the porch and raised his hands, "Sam, just hear me out."

Sam squared his shoulders and pointed the machete at the vampire, "Fuck you Benny I'm sick of you after my brother's ass! I swear if you hurt him…"

Dean step out and stood in front of Benny, "Sam stop."

"Get away from him Dean, I'm ending this. I cut him slack and tried to like him but I can't stand Benny touching you, it makes me sick. You let that monster paw your body like you're his bitch."

Dean didn't budge, "So you don't want me Sam but I can't have anyone else...I'm supposed to be alone while you fuck bar trash and pretend it's me you got bent over a dumpster?"

Sam took a step forward, "I said move Dean we can talk this out after I take care of him."

"Go screw that bitch vet Amelia, go sit in the park and have birthday cake and play Frisbee with that dog you had stinking up my car while I rotted in purgatory you prick…yeah that's right I remember every story you shoved down my throat after I got back."

Sam lowered the machete and stopped moving toward them, "Make him leave Dean, I can't talk this way."

Dean turned to Benny and gingerly ran his fingers over the stubble on the vampire's face, "Babe you should go now, I have to talk to Sam. If I don't try Benny I'll regret it."

Benny rested his forehead against his lovers, "Dean I should stay until you tell him. You need blood soon …what if Sam rejects you? I could bring someone and let you feed."

Dean looked back at his brother then to his maker, "If Sam rejects me then I imagine that big ass machete he's holding is going to come into play at some point. I won't hurt him Benny not even to defend myself. Go and trust everything will be ok. If I survive I'll get a message to you."

Benny's blue eyes were filled with tears, "Dean you know I always loved you right?"

Dean lowered his eyes, "I know, I love you too; if things were different I swear I'd be with you. I owe you everything and I gave nothing back."

Dean heard his brother call softly to him, "Dean, talk to me."

Benny grabbed his face and kissed him hard, "You're wrong Dean you gave me everything." Benny walked past Sam, got in the truck and left.

The vampire knew there was no point in staying, Dean made his choice and Benny couldn't compete with a love like that.

TBC


	9. The Meaning of Life

Dean pointed to his brother's pistol in his belt and the machete in his hand, "If you want to talk those stay out here."

Dean walked inside and waited for Sam on the couch by the fire place, he stared into the flames and wondered how he was going to tell Sam that he was the very thing they hunted.

Sam came in and shut the door behind him, when Dean heard the lock click he felt a panic come over him but tried not to show it. Large hands squeezed his shoulders kneading them slowly, "I'm ready to talk."

"Alright, you want a beer or coffee?"

"Sure I'll get it."

Sam went and poured them each a cup of coffee then sat down on the opposite end of the couch and faced his brother, "What you said about Amelia…leaving you in purgatory…everything is true."

"And?"

"And what Dean?"

Dean grabbed his cup and drank slowly but the tremble in his hands gave away the fact he was hurting. He swore Sam's heart was beating so loud that Dean was getting a headache from it as the hunger gnawed at his belly.

"You did hurt me; you always do and never think your wrong Sam. It's always me that apologizes and tries to work it out with you. I can't do that anymore, I won't be your scapegoat for everything."

Sam leaned forward and gave Dean an earnest look, one he could believe, "I'm sorry, truly sorry for leaving you in purgatory, for not even bothering to look. I'm sorry I told you about Amelia, I did it because I was jealous of Benny and I wanted to hurt you."

Dean gave a short, bitter laugh, "So you played straight boy, good for you. Thanks for making me feel like shit for over a year. Benny was my savior when I needed one Sammy not you."

"I know."

They sat there watching the fire until Sam noticed Dean shaking, "I found your discharge papers, I know you're sick. I left you phone messages but you wouldn't answer. I found the blood spray in the bathroom and the bloody tissues. You could have told me Dean, I would have helped. What can I do to help you now, I'll do anything."

Dean got up and moved across the room from him, "When Benny found me Sam I was bad. He gave me a bath; fed me and I didn't want you to do that. Put your life on hold and watch me die, wipe my butt and feed me. That would have been death for both of us."

Sam stood up and moved toward him, "I'll do it, you have to have some faith in me brother. I promise somehow I am going to fix this, a deal or a spell, anything but I won't let you die."

"I tried everything Sam; it was too late until Benny helped me. You have to understand I decided I didn't want to die so I took his offer."

Sam covered his face and groaned, "No Dean I told you to wait until I got here, why didn't you answer your phone, damn it now what do I do?"

Dean walked right over to him and stretched out his arms, "Do what you want, you have two choices, love me and feed me or cut off my head because I won't hurt you Sam and I won't fight."

Sam headed for him and Dean didn't run, he knew it was pointless. If Sam wanted him dead then the determined hunter would find a way and Dean was too tired to run any longer. He closed his eyes and waited.

Dean felt himself swept up in his brother's arms, "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise I'll make it all up to you Dean." He opened his eyes and looked up at his brother, "Sammy I can't pretend anymore, I won't do it. Tell the truth, admit that you want this or leave."

Sam grabbed his face and kissed him, a real kiss, and when his brother slid a warm tongue into his mouth Dean knew that Sam finally wanted him. The brothers grappled with each other in a dominate display, bodies twisting and turning all the way to the bed until they both fell together panting and grinding.

Sam let him go and stood, he quickly undressed as Dean watched barely able to contain his excitement. Dean didn't want him to leave so he just laid there frozen in place only his jade eyes moving over the long, lean body he wanted badly for so many years.

Sam pulled of Dean's sweat pants, his eyes traveled down his brother's body slowly taking in every inch of tight pale flesh and hard muscle. Dean was thin from the last month of the illness but still looked wonderful. Sam reached down and stroked his cock lightly then let go.

Dean closed his eyes afraid to scare him off by making eye contact, "Sam I have feed soon, if I don't finish turning I'm just going to die. If you're willing to be my blood donor to keep me going then later I can find someone else…"

His felt Sam's weight on the bed and a foot nudging his thigh, "I'm ready."

He opened his eyes and there was Sam as he always pictured him, legs spread wide and prick leaking over his belly twitching and jerking all on its own. Sam's balls were hanging loose and plump not yet ready to tighten and release.

Sam rolled his head to the side exposing his neck, "Do it, bite me…fuck me I'm yours now."

Dean traced his finger along the cleft of his brother's ass, "You've a virgin?"

"Yes."

He slid himself slowly up the long stretch of flesh stopping at Sam's neck, he licked a trail to the shell of his ear and whispered, "I won't take that away right this minute, I need to feed first, don't worry baby boy you won't keep bleeding, I'll be careful."

Sam smiled, "Pillow talk, I love it." For some reason Dean talking to him that way made his cock jump, he found himself thrusting up against his brother's belly until Dean forced him back down.

Dean nuzzled the crook of the tender neck and whispered, "Close your eyes Sammy…I don't want you to see me change." Sam closed his eyes and heard a snarl then felt an intense pain that slowly subsided; he heard sucking and felt a tongue lavish his raw skin. After a few minutes Sam felt dizzy, "Dean stop."

He opened his eyes and looked up at his brother's mouth rimmed with blood, the eyes changed back to their pretty jade green. Dean was panting, braced over him, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to do this exactly."

He got off the bed and walked out; he came back a short time later with a glass of juice and handed it to Sam. "Are you alright?" Sam brought the glass to his lips with a trembling hand, "Yeah but you have to be careful."

That night they just slept holding each other, when the dawn broke Sam woke to the smell of bacon. He got up and shuffled to the bathroom still a bit unsteady, when he got out Dean was standing there with his head tilted staring at Sam, "I made breakfast."

…

They sat there eating; light conversation seemed a bit strange after the events of last night so the brothers tried to hammer out the details of their lives together. "Dean I have to ask, Benny fed off humans? I thought he was on bagged blood, I don't understand. It worked for him and it can work for you."

"It's never enough, like a constant state of starvation. You drink a bag and it takes away the gnawing but you don't feel full…ever. He gave up, had to supplement with humans eventually. Never anyone good, Benny hunts the people that deserve it."

Sam gave Dean his best self righteous look, "So who determines which person is worthy of living and who deserves to die Dean?"

Dean downed his coffee and headed to the sink with his plate throwing it in, "There you go again, you know everything Sam and you're always right. I thought we could hunt like we always do, if I feel the urge and the opportunity comes along with the right person I'm going to take it so you better look the other way…can you do that? Tell me right now if you can't."

Sam twisted his napkin as he stared down at the table, "Yeah I can do it, I love you Dean and I owe you."

"Alright then, we should close this place down and you can bring that truck back."

Sam glanced over to the bedroom then to Dean, "Can we do it tomorrow?"

Dean looked over to the bedroom as well, "Are you sure?"

"Dean I was laying there under you naked and hard last night, if I wouldn't have gotten dizzy I'm pretty sure we would have done it."

"Alright little brother, top or bottom? I know you like to top and your still a virgin so what will it be…ladies choice."

Sam got up and headed to the bedroom, when Dean got in he was already on his back, legs open and waiting, "Bottom, I cleaned up for you. I didn't bring any condoms or lube thought."

Dean pulled off his boxers and stroked himself, "You can't catch anything from this body anymore and I can't catch anything from you…Sam you used condoms with all those guys right, and that broad."

"I always did, I've been tested don't worry. I'm going to lose my nerve in a minute here Dean."

Dean flipped him over like Sam weighed nothing, "Oh sorry princess I didn't know it was race. Come on, hands and knees let's see what you've got for me." He took his hands and spread Sam open then licked a swipe over his ass, "Nice Sammy, tight, pink and pretty just how I like it."

Dean laughed softly when his brother trembled and his knees spread even father apart, "You've thought a lot about this haven't you?"

Sam reached down and started to stroke himself but Dean put an end to it, "Stop, this time I'm controlling how it goes Sam not you."

Sam felt two slick fingers work their way inside of him and once the discomfort subsided it began to feel good, very good in fact. He pushed back begging for something more substantial and Dean obliged.

"Relax Sam, it's like getting the shot, the initial prick hurts worse than the injection." Sam would have laughed if he hadn't been so nervous; a lifetime of fantasy was coming true with a major twist.

He tensed as soon as the head pressed against him insistently, Sam had fucked men aplenty. Most of it was back alley shame, hasty and dirty, now he wanted it right and didn't want to disappoint the most important person in his life but Sam couldn't let go.

"Just do it, push it in Dean."

Dean didn't just push it in as Sam asked; he worked his weeping head inside and held back as his brother adjusted to the feeling. Sam felt a hand reach around fondling his balls gently then stroking down the shaft to catch the slick drops oozing from his penis.

Dean hit his brother's sweet spot on each well placed thrust until Sam squeezed his eyes shut and the world turned white beneath his lids, a scream came out as he had the best orgasm of his life. Dean finished right after that reddening his ass with well places slaps.

He established himself as dominate with Sam in that first sexual encounter, it was important to Dean. He needed his brothers love more and ever and allowing Sam to walk all over him only seemed to distance them. It worked; afterward Sam lay next to Dean worshipping him like a god.

Sam could let go of the control, the pettiness and backbiting between them and allow Dean to be his master, lover and brother. Once Dean became a vampire the dynamics changed leaving both satisfied.

…..

They closed up the cabin and left, Dean followed Sam back to the hunters so he could drop off the truck. Dean stood outside the Impala waiting; he wore dark sunglasses as protection against the light.

Sam thanked Freddie and Burton for the truck and the help, Burton nodded toward Dean, "He's not very social is he?" Sam shrugged, "Dean keeps to himself." Burton walked over to Dean and greeted him and Dean just nodded, "What's wrong with you son, Sam said you were sick?"

"None of your damn business."

Burton snatched off the sunglasses and searched his eyes, Dean went on instinct still not having the control that Benny had and bared his teeth.

Freddie pulled out a knife and ran for Dean until Sam got in the way; the knife plunged into an artery. Sam dropped like a stone; Dean had Burton on the ground bleeding out.

"Sam!" Dean backhanded Freddie and then collapsed to his knees next to his brother, "Sammy, hang on." Dean bit his wrist open and pressed it to Sam's slack mouth as he applied pressure to the wound, it was a race to see if Dean could save him before he lost too much blood.

Sam arched his back, gasped and then let out a slow hiss, Dean was crying as he stroked his arm willing more blood to flow down his brother's gullet. "Come on Sammy don't leave now, I can't do it without you…never could baby."

Sam's eyes fluttered open, he grasped Dean's wrist and drank until his brother stopped him. "Dean…what happened to me?"

"It's alright now, you were hurt but I fixed you up, you just need to feed to heal." He grabbed Freddie by the hair and dragged his limp body over, "Do it Sam," Dean helped him by positioning the body just right and pointing out a cherry spot for a bite.

Sam was weak but able to bite through and drink, he took his fill until there wasn't room left and then he rested in Dean's arms.

…

**Six Months Later**

Benny sat there fishing with his new mate Elijah, a young man that had just been turned by another vamp and needed guidance. They found they had a lot in common besides the obvious condition and for once Benny felt contented with a man. He didn't have to fight for him or share, Elijah kept him well loved and cared for and Benny did the same for him.

Elijah was a pretty thing like Dean without the baggage that came with loving a Winchester.

Benny heard a familiar rumble of a car pulling up and handed the fishing pole over to his lover, "Hold this for me sweetness, I got some old friends to visit with." He bent down and gently kissed his lips, "Boy you are a honey you know that?"

Elijah lowered his eyes and smiled, "Go on you handsome thing, visit with your buddies."

Benny cautiously approached the car then watched as Sam and Dean got out, they both looked good. The bothers sported big smiles and sunglasses, Benny noticed them immediately come together and hold each other.

Dean nodded, "Hey Benny how's tricks?"

Benny scratched the back of his head and nervously took another step toward them, "Good brother."

Sam spotted Elijah fishing, "Is he yours?"

"Yes sir, he's my mate, why?" Benny stepped in front of Sam not know what he would do.

"Hey it's alright, I'm glad you found someone." Sam took off his sunglasses and looked at him. Benny got closer, "Sam, were you turned?"

Sam pointed to the scar from the stab wound, "Dean saved me." He put his sunglasses back on, cupped his brothers cheek and kissed him, "I owe my brother everything…I know that now."

…..

The four sat together at a picnic table having beers, Benny fussed over Eli as he called him. "He was turned too young; nineteen is a tender age to have your life taken away. Then his maker just left him with nothing, no knowledge or a way to survive. I took him under my wing after I found him here in the woods, I love him Dean."

Eli rested his head on the vampires shoulder, "Benny saved me."

Dean grabbed his friends hand and smiled, "Benny is a good guy, you're a lucky kid."

Sam cleared his throat and Dean let go.

Benny nodded toward Sam, "So you're feeding?"

"Yeah, I don't like it bad people or not, Dean has an easier time of it than me. We still hunt like always; this has just been a bump in the road." Sam drained his beer, he pressed his thigh against his brothers and Dean could tell he wanted to go.

Benny and Dean hugged each other tight; they both whispered their goodbyes and then parted ways.

…

Sam shoved Dean against the Impala and pressed a kiss on his mouth biting as he went; Dean pulled away and touched his lip coming back with blood, "Geez Sam, take it easy."

Sam grasped his brothers crotch and squeezed, "Your mine…this is mine do you understand? Not Benny's or anyone else's, remember that Dean." He kept squeezing then let go when his brother gasped, Sam turned him around, "Pull down your pants, bend over the hood and spread your cheeks."

Dean was already trembling as he did what Sam ordered, he opened himself then felt spit and pressure until his brother was balls deep in ass. He was slammed so hard into the fender of the Impala he thought his hips would break.

Sam exerted his dominance, Dean had claimed him and now he felt it was his turn, "Your with me forever remember that…I love you Dean."

….

Afterward they rested together in the back seat; Sam lazily stroked the smooth skin while planting tiny kisses over Dean's shoulders and neck, "I'm sorry, I got crazy when I saw you hold hands with Benny. I love you Dean and I can't share you ever because your mine."

It's alright Sam, I liked it… I am you know."

"What?"

Dean gave a sigh of contentment, "Yours Sammy I always have been."

…

The Winchesters watched as the world around them changed while they stayed the same. It was an odd existence going from vampire hunters to hunter vampires but when you have someone to love you forever anything is possible.

The End

(Thanks everyone. I'm going to do a follow up story down the road with the brothers both hunting and screwing their way around the country as deliciously hot vampires. Benny will come back as well. If you want to read the second story you can sign up for my story alerts. I'll also note a sequel to Dead Reckoning in the summary of the new story.)


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